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If I never get to see another rainbow
Or share another life with a friend
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Priscilla, 040692hotmail/ facebook I wonder how it must have felt when David stood to face Goliath on a hill. I imagine that he shook with all his might until You took his hand, and held on tight. 'Cause You were there, You were there in the midst of danger's snare You were there, You were there always. You were there when the hardest fight seemed so out of reach. Oh, You were there, You were always there. You were always there. — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Tagboard
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Monday, September 27, 2010
running away  "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert EinsteinI was wondering if I should abandon this blog but I think its unnecessary now. I am so going to burst now. It's really irritating when somehow things are going your way and it just take ONE thing to screw it up. I know I shouldn't be complaining/grumbling, what's more I don't think I have the right to do that. I just wanted to enjoy most of this week before next week come and I have things to keep me occupied till 19th. In addition, I even took up more stuff so that I won't stay at home and think so much, I think now I don't even have much of a choice. *slumps* Maybe now I can't count my blessings yet, I hope things will get better. hais, time to prepare for meeting. I.HATE.THIS. Labels: credits to photobucket.com Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Regrets  I think my blog feels abandoned :D 'was totally being cropped up with exams/AGM/projects for the past few weeks. Hardly a time for me to breathe and problems just come piling up. Besides PCB board, there are socio and biophysics group project going on, deadline for socio essay is drawing nearer. There are more awesome things lining up! A wiki medical electronic projects and next week is filled with test test and more test. Seriously, this education system is driving students up the wall. Sometimes, I wonder if there is a second meaning to holidays, like seriously. Well, on a happy note, AGM is FINALLY over. The countless times I walked through the whole entire engine block just to get 5 signatures for the proposal. But I was happy. The turnout was pretty good, more than what I've expected and definitely better than the nightmare I had. Now our main committee is finally official in engineering school. I really hope God can guide me through this. All the expectations, all the responsibilities, all the comments. I really pray I am strong enough to hold them and hand them over to God. Somehow, I feel like running away. That feeling of loneliness even though surrounded with friends. That unspeakable void, only God can fill. *slap face* Pris! wake up! I suddenly feel like I have loads of regrets. I regretted not learning guitar when I was younger. I regretted not finishing my piano when I could. I regretted not learning drums when I could. I regretted not learning violin when thousand and one opportunities were thrown at me then. I regretted falling in love at a young age and ended up with bruises and scars. I regretted trusting the wrong guy. I regretted loving the wrong guy. I regretted being naive, thinking I had a memorable past. I regretted not studying harder during exams, probably my life would have been different. I regretted not loving music and art so much like now. I regretted not being firm in my decision to enroll into a design course. I regretted not eating more then which is why I am so short. I regretted not taking up badminton when the coach approached me then. I regretted not enjoying myself when I was in the States, probably I can be able to leave those memories there and don't get it back. I regretted not persevering for things I've loved and love. I regretted not spending enough time with the people I love. I regretted giving up floorball because I felt like a weakling in that sport. I regretted not being meticulous in the things I do. I regretted being too noisy, sometimes ending up like a nuisance to others. So many regrets. Sigh, I think I am going into the stressed mode soon. People changed, I should to. Oh man, I am too emotional today :/ Shall stop here. Labels: credits to photobucket.com Monday, May 24, 2010
Where the love last forever  Howdy! I am back! I don't really have much things in mind to say, so i shall go with the flow of my brain(: One week has passed and my family is now trying to adapt to the new lifestyle. It's pretty tough but I guess that's what a family is for, supporting and encouraging each other and pushing them higher to a level of love and acceptance. Well, at least I still love what I am experiencing now. That love encounter as one, seem so different from the love I usually experience.Dad's looking better. Somehow, that's the booster to my everyday energy level now. I really finally understand how my childhood friend went through the period when her mum was seriously ill. Lord, I thank you for whatever you are doing to our family and going to do! I love you! Time to buckle up mannnnn! Term test is next week and I am a perfect disaster. I guess, after tomorrow, it will be hardcore mugging once more. Somehow, thanks to certain event, our curriculum has been cut short and lecturers are rushing through the syllabus faster than a bullet train. Great! ROARRR! Somehow, people around me are getting attached. It's nice to see them being sweet and happy together. Then those thoughts will start running through my brain, AGAIN. I do miss those times when there was someone I could love but now, when I thought of falling in love with someone, the barrier around me will start building up again. Perhaps its still better to stay single and enjoy it(: At least I am enjoying the presence of my other friends who have always been beside me. Time to open my eyes BIGGGG BIGG O.O AND, somehow, I realised I like to blog with the word "somehow". Shuck a new habit coming up! Oh mannnnnnnnnnnn! Well, I shall be random! :D TERM TEST! *LOUD GROANSSSSSS* Labels: credits to photobucket.com Monday, May 17, 2010
Regrets, they are neverending  Back again! Feeling pretty tired now so shall take some to blog. I guess this is the driest time of the dry period this year. I never really expect after blogging the previous post, the very next day, everything changed.Somehow, it seems so unreal, the events that have happened. It started so fast and it ended so fast as well. The only thing that was left behind was fatigue. I haven't been able to rest well and the amount of revision adds on to the pile day after day. I really wonder if I can do well this semester when everything else seem so screwed. Oh Lord, I need the strength from You. I really don't know how to carry on with everything I am facing. I really miss the times when I can share everything with you. My happiness, my sadness. Now, it seems like I can only say at most a "take care" and nothing else. I feel like some shit. I guess I really fail big time as your friend, your sister. How I wish I can show you how much you mean to me. How I wish.. But I guess I should be satisfied that you still reply my messages. Have been overspending my money. Taking cab down to visit my dad or to church or school because I couldn't wake up on time anymore. Somehow, I really look forward to the upcoming holidays. I think there is at least a few days I can have a proper rest? I have been contemplating on giving up a few things. And I still can't reach a conclusion. Pris, what's wrong with you! But, I guess I will be giving up on floorball. It was my favourite yet I can't find my place there. I can't perform well and all I do is to dread training. Plus, my wrong decision last year seemed to portray a wrong image to someone I treasure the most when I thought I could compromise God for something I love. I was selfish then and now I am facing those consequences. Should I give up or should I not? It's always so weird. When I need someone to be there for me the most, none was there. Now that I don't expect people to be there for me, a group of people come caring for me. Maybe I have been too numb which was why I failed to notice those around me who care. But again, who really did. I really don't know why am I ranting all these. I just want to be really happy again. Don't I have the right to search for it? Lord, I need a hug badly :/ NOW, back to face that screwed up molecular genetics. Someone, please enlighten me. Why did I ever choose this screwed up course? Regrets, they are neverending. Labels: credits to photobucket.com Monday, March 15, 2010
Can you hear me when I call your name  Hello! I sure know myself so much after predicting this blog will be abandoned. Coming 2 months not blogging till now. I guess I am so down and discouraged enough to use blogger as a channel for me to vent out after screaming out to God and mum. I am seriously blasting music now even though I was warned by the doctor not to BUT I really need to blast off everything to let go so that I can be brave again because I have to. I remembered the month of March was a month when I struggled so much because I have been "haunted" by the thought of wanting to know the "real" truth of my first breakup. And now, in May, I finally found out the answer.. But I rather not know it now. Either way, I was still struggling. I am still struggling, knowing how bad I was then. Sometimes, knowledge does destroy or take away someone's hope/future. But I guess I still need to stay strong and I will do my best to erase every memory from my mind, an unknown past. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't make any decision when I can't focus. Now that I have made stupid mistakes then, I am facing the consequences. It's so costly and heavy. I can't blame anyone because then, it was me who made the decision despite so many advices and warnings from mum and God. It's so heavy bearing that guilt.. Now that I have taken up new commitments, the enemy seems to taking that chance to bring me down even more. The message I received early in the morning literally crushed me. I thought I could help, I thought I could change that mindset, I thought I could be that good SP now and being that good sister. Apparently, I was wrong. I couldn't do much at all. I can't be that good role model. But I am glad God helped through someone else. So many people come and go so easily out of my life. I really wonder now if the problem lies with me. Maybe I should change more, to be more accommodating. Probably I can keep those who are precious to me. I am so tired because nothing seems to be working well. Or maybe my expectations are too high. I don't know. I am still human after all. Going through so much, it's not easy to say it doesn't matter to me. Even biblical characters had their own struggles then that it was recorded in the bible. I guess my problems are nothing compared to their problems they faced then but still, they emerged victorious with the help of God. Maybe I shouldn't to be moping about how bad my life can be. Perhaps I should really place every single bit of faith in God and make sure I still stand firm in Him. Perhaps if I look at the problems with a different perspective, there should be something optimistic in there or that hope God has placed in. Responsibilities increased overnight. Faith in God doubled up. I should look to God and not man. Lord, take over my every decision. You are God and I am not. You are the painter and I am the painting. I wonder how it must have felt You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of GodI will stay strong. I will be a Barnabas, a David, a Queen Esther. This is not the end but the beginning of staying even stronger with God. Psalms 77. You were there. Agape, Thank you Jesus. Amen. Labels: credits to photobucket.com Saturday, February 20, 2010
Our song, a love story.. no more  Short post today! Super tiring day. Really hope and pray that I can finish my revision before every paper and everything can be absorbed into my 'fried' brain. Mugging can be such a boring and mundane thing.Was facebook-surfing a while ago. I suddenly realized how much I missed training with the seniors, especially those who are already graduating. Time really flies. I kinda regret not striving even harder last year so that I can treasure every training session with them. As tiring as it can get, the laughter and jokes were priceless. But I am glad God gave me chance to actually enjoy my time with them, to have a chance to know them and to train with them. Sometimes, I wonder, why are we given only a chance a certain thing which we treasured so much but thousand and one chances for other things which we are not even interested in. The regrets we have after we realized there wasn't any second chance can be quite unbearable at times I guess. There were times where I would think to myself, "If I have done this, probably this wouldn't have happened.." Oh well, 've to start looking forward and believe my future will be brighter than my past. Hmm.. I wonder how it will be like if I am given a chance again. I guess I will really treasure it. But second thoughts, I think I will 'over-treasure' it and end up screwing it like before :/ So I end up back in square one. Great...! I think I better start loving my notes and books again. Imagine that horrendous dreadful torture coming my way... I think 90% of my brain cells are pretty fried already. Now the remaining 10%. Awesome. Agape, Sarang Heyo. Labels: credits to photobucket.com Thursday, February 18, 2010
Hate that I love you  I am finally home! After mugging like a mad kid at expo, shall take a break and hit the sack after the show ended! :PIt's getting tiring recently. Sometimes, being at a position when everyone expect you to assume some responsibilities and even more really sucks. Somehow the words "stress" or "overworked" are not applicable. It's really irritating and I don't think I've gotten a good rest since this semester has started. What a great life right? I can't wait for 25th to wait! Hopefully I CAN get a good rest although I highly doubt so. I can see the number of tasks being hand over to me VERY soon the moment I declare it's holiday for me. Just you wait. No idea why I am feeling so uptight. Probably I am really feeling that exams stress building over me PLUS knowing how much I have to score for main exams to maintain my GPA, it just kinda screw my mood up totally. That woman totally screwed me up. Ugh! Sometimes, I really wonder how different my life would be if I walked the next alternative path in the past. I wonder. Of course not in the path where I will leave God or something but like a path where I stand firm on my ground or not assuming too many responsibilities. Probably I wouldn't be so worn out like now. I hope I can get out of this freaking mood. It's so annoying. PAH! Sorry for everything. I know I am not good enough. |
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Father, I would still have to say
You have been good |
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